hi ;x

its been a looong time holy shit.

Some of it sucks, I know this.
Most of it sucks.

Some of it dosen't.

Yeah, I know I suck bad, but I don't have motivation or patience. So you get crappily little things devoid of plot, depth, color, or even sound.

Most of the time.

Occasionally I'll do something good.

Chances are you'll pick something in my gallery that sounds appealing, but in reality, it sucks to watch/look at.

Some things are good. I say meh on it all, I'm proud of some of them, but most are just kind of embarassing. I could do better, I just don't feel like I have to. Its simple enough for me.

I leave them all here though to remind me of carefree times. So thats me. Its not really for you to be impressed, its more for me, I feel like I can accomplish something when I finish an animation, no matter how shitty it is. I could care less what you think about it, you may laugh, you may ask why I even have Flash, but that dosen't matter. All these things are by me, for me. Some of them have some undertones that only I would catch, to remind me of things. I can watch something I made a long time ago and remember what life was like during that peticular day, week or month. Most of it is when everything was fine and I was -still- carefree. Summer of 05', for instance. Great times with some great people. I was really happy with life and I was very productive cause' of it. Alot of things to bring me back to it all, at least for a little bit. It feels good to look back on these sorts of things, for me, anyways. You probably could care less about this journal, cause well, if you're reading it I assume you're not new to me, but oh well, I felt like writing it.

Bad times latley, lots of worries. I need something good to happen, need some light. It seems like everything is going bad, probably because it is. Eh, nothing I can control though, which makes it worse. :\

So anyways, if you're here to see my stuff, don't look at just one thing, there is some effort involved sometimes. I encourage you to look around. It can't hurt.

The fucking fuck what the god damnit motherfucking fuck, FUCK WHAT THE FUCK, fucking fucking FUCK motherfuck!

Excuse that.

I think I might be done, in other news, I made a massive hole in my wall. With my metal hands.

They bled too. I didn't feel it though, cause of the ADRENALINE. Exhilirating.

I'm still mad though. I got in big, big trouble for it, I am still awaiting my fate, cause my parents went to sleep...or whatever they do in that room of theirs, gross. So if I'm not here tommorow, you know why.

There isn't even anyone to talk to so I can get my mind on other things than tommorow and the woes it shall surely bring, plus, other stuff, huzzah. Fucking fuck. I predict tommorow to be bad, unless I avoid the going to the school, and such. Basically I just don't wanna go tommorow, too much other crap that will distract me, I think too much.

I hate my dad. Long story short, physical, mental abuse, ect. The usual. And I'm expected to wear a happy face and talk to them on their terms, like in the mornings, when I'm already all pissy because I have to walk a mile or so in this fucking cold with some shitty popped-collar polo on to go to some jackass school to do some jackass work thats too boring for me to even care. Rantrantrant, vent vent.

On a daunting, depressing subject...

My brother is gonna need a heart transplant, I'm pretty sure of it, just waiting for the news. None of his medicines work, ect. He must take a whole pharmacy a day and he just keeps getting sicker and sicker. I'm scared for him, I keep saying to myself he won't die cause well, he's my brother, he can't die! I mean, I can't even fathom it, but its a real possibility at this point, and I can't do anything. I know he is gonna die, before me and all, I think about that sorta stuff alot, I don't think I'll ever accept it'll happen though until it happens...I just don't wanna think about it right now. Worryworry. :[[

Onto new things...

I don't have school on thursday...or friday...next week, and early dismissals tuesday and wednesday. So I'm looking forwared to the NEXT weekend. Not like I have anything to do, psh, I'm such a failure loser bastard.

Amonst all this is a different side of me, a different personality for every person of my days, everyone wants their own version, and I'm trying to deliver. I'm so fake now, its hilarious.

Anyways I'll...be somewhere, in this stupid house, being stupid and not sleeping, you know. Feel free TO CONTACT ME, WHILE YOU STILL CAN, AS IN TONIGHT, NOW, WINK WINK I CAN'T GET ANY MORE FUCKING OBVIOUS WINK.


A thousand me's for a thousand you's, out.

Journal soon.

Of having a cake if I can't eat it?